Quietly I weep to myself. Buried under my sheets where it's dark enough.
Wondering how yet again, it's grieving time. Though for a different cause, but with familiar kind of pain.
The kind that reminds you of how much of a loner you are. How much being solitude has led to severe isolation.
Isolated because my dependency on man will cause me more pain as when I need someone to wipe my tears, none is available at my aid.
I wear my Hijab, looking directly into the mirror reminding myself that purity within will not only give "me" inner peace, but will allow "me" learn to love the "me" I strongly started to hate.
The fear of facing the demons roaming around , the fear of sleep because of nightmares , the fear of reality as it seems worse than the nightmares themselves.
How did I get here? I always seem to have my shit together.....
How did I get here?
Avoiding my shrink , because I don't want to talk. But I want to find the cure. I want to find myself. I want to find "me" and tell "me" to help "me" lift off this burden of self pity and guilt that "me" had self inflicted .
........ Until then,
To be continued.
#Ruddietude #EmotionlessEmotions
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